Friday, October 3, 2014

Eagles Need Two Wings to Soar..

As an International Man of intrigue, I watch a lot of Comedy Central. It keeps me in touch with what's going on in the world. For comic relief, I turn to CNN. It's always good for a laugh. Apparently there's been much talk lately about left vs right political views. I've decided to settle the issue once and for all...

The spirit of the buffalo is strong with this eagle.
Eagle by buddapix, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic License   by  buddapix 

I tend to have an "open mind" which is a fancy way of saying I can be easily influenced. I can see both sides of the argument and have a hard time picking a side. Open minded people perceive this trait of theirs as a sign of intellect but in reality it can often be the most crippling aspect a person can have. Nothing contributes more to death on the battlefield than indecisiveness.

"How can I go forward when I don't know which way I'm facing?" Exactly, you stupid dreamer.
John Lennon by yeweeeee, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License   by  yeweeeee 

So forced to pick a side, I choose the Right. It just seems like they get so many things, well, right...


Let's start with guns (cause they're badass!). Guns, in the right hands, save lives. The right hands are the people who respect life and obey the laws. If you make it illegal to own guns then only those who follow the law will be disarmed. That puts the balance of power in the hands of criminals. However this is a condensed synopsis of a complex problem involving many factors including culture, mental health care, and government structure. It can be easy to drive any point home if you turn it into an over simplified slogan with mass appeal.

"Make love not war!" ...then came the AIDS.

So what do actual statistics say on this issue? Well they overwhelmingly speak in favor of citizen gun ownership: cities with the toughest anti-gun laws such as Chicago and Washington D.C. have the nation's highest violent crime rates. Meanwhile states with "shall issue" right to carry licenses have far less murders, assaults, rapes and the like. I'm talking in the 30% less range. That's fucking huge, yet it's not enough to convince the Left which brings me to my next point..


Well actually hypocrisy as exemplified by the Left's take on statistics. The Left claims to be all about science. They usually side with evolutionists stating that the word "theory" when used in science means pretty much proven beyond all doubt.  That's of course absolute bullshit. Scientific theories have different levels of proveness (it's a word fucker, look it up!) from Heliocentrism which is pretty widely accepted as fact  to String Theory which is highly theoretical and might in fact never be able to be proven scientifically in a laboratory due to certain physical limitations even if it is true.

Remind you of Someone?

So if the Left is all about science and math, then that must mean they are on board with citizens right to own guns seeing as how states with high gun ownership have a lot less crime. It's simple math, right? Nope! Because any time mathematical statistics do not favor the Left's views they conveniently cry out "oh the humanity!" Sure looser gun laws make for safer streets, but guns are intrinsically bad! They are tools designed to end human life, and oh the humanity! Fuck your math!

And what about single mothers? Their children suffer from so many disadvantages. Everything from lack of self esteem, to increased likely hood to commit crimes, to higher rates of strokes and heart attacks have for kids of single mothers been well documented in numerous studies on the subject. So it would be a good idea to discourage single motherhood right?

Fuck you and your scientific studies you asshole! Where's your humanity!? We should set up social safety nets for these and other losers because they're far too weak to make it without heroic liberals giving them other people's money! We should pity single mothers and make life easier for them! Who cares if it encourages having babies without having babies daddies? And their children who are scientifically proven live worse lives? Meh, fuck 'em. Life's hard, kid, deal with it.

Then there are GMO's. We can now use science to make crops more resistant to the things that kill them as well as increase the amount of yield per square foot. This means this will be more food to go around. Perhaps we can eliminate starvation in poor countries. But oh the humanity! How dare you fuck with the plants!

Chopped down tree?? Oh the humanity! That's right, you don't even have to be human.
Boomstronk naast het wandelpad achter Ka by ednl, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License   by  ednl 


I don't have a problem with minorities. What I do have a problem with is the segregation of people into majorities and minorities. Minorities are generally people who have suffered injustices in the past. The problem is that instead of moving forward on this issue the Left is constantly reminding us that minorities are minorities.

And no matter how far they get ahead whether it be increasing their average income by almost 30% since the 1950's or becoming presidents of the United States its just never going to be enough dammit! After all minorities' ancestors suffered everything from genocide, to slavery, to just plain ol meanie racism!

Trees are the biggest minorities of them all ='(
Boomstronk naast het wandelpad achter Ka by ednl, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License   by  ednl 

However, I would argue that the Jews had it worse. I mean they were gassed, cooked alive in ovens, and even had their flesh melted into fucking candles! Could things get worse for a people? If it could I don't want to know about it. And that was as recent as the 1940's not the 1840's. So do Jews walk around eternally pissed off about a past that cannot be changed? Well no, what would be the point of that?

Besides which, the facts probably differ from what you assume (or have been told repeatedly). The wealthiest ethnicity in America are Indians (the kind from India, duh). The poorest? White people from the Appalachians. And it's not that I don't get that shit doesn't suck in inner cities.

But think about it, if you could choose from two messages to send to the kids who live there which one would you pick: "society sucks and you are just way too disadvantaged to make it. You are doomed to being a loser for the rest of your life unless society ever chooses to clean up its act." or "yes shit's tough where your from, but work hard and don't lose heart. You can make it out if you put in the effort and keep at it."

Now is the time to say "fuck the statistics!"
 by andcombust, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic License   by  andcombust 

So I was pretty sure the Right knew what the fuck was up until....


I moved to Europa recently where I spent a year finding myself (and losing the IRS). At first I hated it. It was so boring and ridged a society. The people were quiet. They didn't get crazy. They dressed nice all the time. They didn't like drunken, unemployed jackasses. There wasn't any room for an anti social bum like me. But after a while the thought struck me: maybe that's a good thing.

And that's when I learned to appreciate the hidden healthiness of a quiet life of moderation. It might not seem appealing, but then again neither is a glass of water. Oftentimes what's really good for you and gives you strength - true strength i.e. character - is the last thing we cherish.

The social system in place in Europa is of course socialism. They had nationalized health care, an insane no time-limit welfare, extremely cheap higher education and a 50% income tax rate. The result? A country of strong, healthy people who live quiet lives full of love and meaning. It doesn't make for a lot of movie plots, but who needs to escape a healthy reality anyway?

So did I convert to socialism? Fuck no! Eagle blood ain't red o.0 Besides a big part of the reason socialism works so well in Europa is because it is a tiny country with a monolithic culture, one that values education and lacks greed. It's as if a bunch of accomplished millionaires got together and formed a utopia.

It wouldn't be a realistic model upon which to build a society as broad and morally/culturally diverse as ours. Adopting a game plan from a team with a completely different set of strengths and weaknesses is a losing strategy. It's as if a guy with a heart condition took insulin because he sees how good its working for this diabetic friend.


I do, however, have a new found respect for the Left. I see that what they preach can work in some circumstances. And this new found respect comes with a certain level of doubt in my own views. Maybe we could be a society with a strong social safety net and our people wouldn't rape the shit out of it. I doubt it, but then again I don't know everything.

Sure they can be a bunch of whiny fucks, but those on the Left have occasionally opened my eyes to a few truths. And more than likely they can say the same of those on the Right. Leftist are dreamers. That's why so many artists swing to the Left.

My cock voted for Obama o.0
Rooster by Mr Noded, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License   by  Mr Noded 

We need dreamers to come up with new ideas and initiate some needed changes. People on the Right are practically minded people. That's why the majority of economists are on the Right. We need practically minded people to keep our ideas grounded. It's just like me and my employee Oscar. I always have big ideas about changes we can make to our logistics.

He always points out why they won't work or what changes to those big ideas would make them more feasible. Together we have helped our company grow more efficient and increase profits in the mere year that we've been there. So instead of bashing the Left, I think I will spend more attention on the much bigger problem we face in America: a morality problem.

While everyone has been arguing about whether to point the sails to the left or to the right, we have all been missing the gaping hole in the side of our boat. The one where our morals are leaking out of. If we had our morals in check and valued character above all else then it wouldn't matter which political system we had in place. Because while it is true that an eagle needs both a left and right wing to fly, it can't go anywhere without the winds of morality to lift it to higher heights.

Wind in eagles wings?? Oh fuck ya!!! The ultimate animal analogy!! Like a farmer to the pig: nailed it!!!!!

*Don't forget to check out my book!  

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