Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Another Day, Another Dounut


After weeks of training at my new job at the donut factory, today we were expected to demonstrate what we had learned...


BOSS MAN
OK trainees, today we're going to do some roll playing. We are going to practice processing a SL-812 while pretending to be on the phone with a client. I will be the client and one of you will come up to the projection screen and be the rep.

Now I know you're anxious to show us that you know the steps involved with an SL-812, but its important to treat this as if it was a real call. DO NOT break character. I will be your client, not your trainer.

If you get stuck, put me on hold and ask a fellow trainee to help out. And don't forget to build rapport. Remember the client isn't just buying an SL-812; he's buying you. So, who wants to be the first volunteer?

BRICK
I do!

BOSS MAN
OK great! Get up here Brick. Show us how it's done.

BRICK
Hello, thank you for calling The Dounut Factory, this is Brick. How may I fill your donut hole today?

BOSS MAN
Yes, Brick my name is "Steve." I'm interested in an SL-812.

BRICK
Just an SL-812?

BOSS MAN
Yes.

BRICK
Can I also interest you in a PY-932?

BOSS MAN
No, thank you.

BRICK
How about a NM-COR?

BOSS MAN
No.

BRICK
An ES-001?

BOSS MAN
No.

BRICK
A back rub?

BOSS MAN
Dammit Brick, focus!

BRICK
Shoot, thought I had you at back rub.

BOSS MAN
Just get me an SL-812 Brick. Can you do that please?

BRICK
Sure thing, Steve. And just to let you know, we now offer catering.

BOSS MAN
I don't think I want a beat up donut truck in front of my house.

BRICK
Oh don't worry. We keep our trucks so neat and shiny that when you look at it you'll see your face on the side. You'll think you own the company hehe. By the way how's the weather out where you are?

BOSS MAN
In, um, Gardena? Oh it's nice and sunny today as usual.

BRICK
I don't wanna hear it, sir. I'm under three feet of snow right now.

BOSS MAN
Really?? Where are you located?

BRICK
You've reached our call center in Greenland.

BOSS MAN
I hear everything is melting in Greenland.

BRICK
I wouldn't know. I was just joshin you Steve. I'm actually in L.A.

BOSS MAN
Oh.

BRICK
But rest assured, I do in fact look like a Viking. I have long locks of blonde hair, incredibly muscular arms.. I'm flexing them as we speak.


Class erupts into laughter


BOSS MAN
Brick!!! You SOB! I told you to treat this like a real call dammit!!

BRICK
You're breaking character, sir.

BOSS MAN
Everyone settle down!! Brick, take this seriously! Now show us how to process an SL-812.

BRICK
I have no idea how to do that.

BOSS MAN
Then why did you volunteer!!??

BRICK
Cause, I've been sitting on that Viking joke for three days now. Do you know how hard that is for a man with my low level of impulse control?

BOSS MAN
*Sigh* sit down, Brick. Does anyone else wanna volunteer?


Everyone in class raises their hands.


BOSS MAN
And you all actually know how to do it or are you all just planning on saying jokes ?

  
Everyone in class lowers their hands.


BOSS MAN
*Sigh* and my wife wonders why I drink so much.

BRICK
If she has a problem with your drinking you should leave that bitch.

BOSS MAN
The only reason I'm not kicking your ass is because I actually hate my wife.

BRICK
I'm just sayin, sir, back rub is still on the table...


SL-812 through KP-545

"Launch Donuts @ FlickrHQ" (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) by pkingDesign






*Don't forget to check out my book, Moby Brick!








No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...