Friday, February 26, 2016

Hanging Chat


If they knew what we actually used corporate chat for at the donut factory I work for, they'd probably take it away from us. Here are some chat conversations I had at work...


Knife Throwing Hobos


BRICK:
yo joey. so this might come of as kind a weird question, but are you any good at throwing knives?


JOEY:
no, can't say thats a skill set that i possess

BRICK:
so i guess the obvious follow up question is, do u know someone who is?

JOEY:
um, no brick, i don't know anyone who's good at throwing knives

BRICK:
well then u might wanna broaden your horizons a bit. run in different circles you know? just a suggestion, u do with it what u want

JOEY:
speaking of suggestions, im gonna suggest to HR that they quit hiring ppl off of craigslist

BRICK:
hey shut up! you uppity doughnutmen are all the same

JOEY:
so if ur looking for someone good with knives why don't u just get a hobo? probably cheap too

BRICK:
nah tried that. they have problems adhering to a schedule

JOEY:
do you want a knife thrower or a secretary!?

BRICK:
i want a coworker with decent connections. u know where i can find one?

JOEY:
can't believe we're even having this convo. why are u looking for someone with knife throwing skills?? i find that kind of disturbing!!

BRICK:


I always type my chats with the passion of a psychopath




Japanese Karate Chops


BRICK:
hey justin do u ever get into random street fights?

JUSTIN:
no im a pacifist

BRICK:
good then u'll have no defense against my **random karate chop attack!!!**





that's not a guy hugging, that's a guy giving double karate chops.


JUSTIN:
oh yea?? well.. **seizure inducing lights japanese karate chop attack!!!***
 


BRICK:
aaagghh!! its taking effect!!


JUSTIN:
and that was just the first stage! do not invoke my wrath!!

BRICK:
pacifist my ass!!
***spy camera attack!!***
gonna steal ur moves 

JUSTIN:
i dont mind actually. might wanna put a warning label before putting it on youtube tho

BRICK:
warring: subject of video gyrates hips frequently

JUSTIN:
although a warning would take away the shock value

BRICK:
shock value? more like trauma value..

JUSTIN:
whatever, as long as we make money

BRICK:
duh thats what God invented trauma for

JUSTIN:
we could call it "This Just-in: your mom"

BRICK:
or "Blunt Force Trauma.. of the soul"

JUSTIN:





*Don't forget to check out my book, Moby Brick! 



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