Sunday, May 28, 2017

Hood Times (moving on down)


My friend Punchino from San Diego called me up the other day...


PUN
S'up dog. Hey we haven't kicked it in a while. Why don't me and Craig come visit you in L.A. for Cinco de Mayo?

BRICK
Yeah that'd be cool. Come on through; should be poppin.

PUN
Text me your address.

BRICK
Just sent it.

PUN
Hold on, lemme google earth it. Dude.. what the fuck. You live between a tire shop and a used furniture store??

BRICK
Zoning laws work kinda different out here.

PUN
In that, what? They don't obey them??

BRICK
Hey! It's not Paco's fault they're not written in Spanish.


In the ghetto, street signs are written in Old English, and tacos eat Mexicans


PUN
Your place looks tiny! Do you even have enough room for me and Craig?

BRICK
Well if one of you sleeps on my weight bench and I angle my credenza just right... no.

PUN
Whatever. We'll just get a room.

BRICK
OK. There's actually a motel on the other side of the used furniture store.

PUN
Dude I just googled your city. It's listed as number eight of worst ghettos in California.

BRICK
Oh cool; we moved down two spots. Thank you Santa Ana.

Our local Zumba accepts multiple forms of payment which I think is a plus 


PUN
Yeah, we're not staying there.

BRICK
Quit being a pussy. Stay at the motel it's right on my block. It'll be convenient.

PUN
What motel?? I'm google earthing your whole block I don't see any motels.

BRICK
It's right between the furniture place and the liquor store.

PUN
It's not showing up. There's just a big blurry patch. I gotta see this place if I'm gonna stay at it.

BRICK
Oh fine ya big baby! Let me go snap a pic hold on.


If your city is NOT protected by lots of bullet proof products, then you really don't have room to talk about safety.


PUN
Dude its been ten minutes. Did you snap a pic or what?

BRICK
Yeah but you don't really need to see a pic. I mean you've seen one motel you've seen em all, know what I mean?

PUN
Just send the freakin pic.

BRICK
Alright, alright. Don't get your panties up in a bunch. There. Did you get it?

PUN
Are they being raided by cops???

BRICK
So I'll see you next time I'm in San Diego.

PUN
Hey we tried.




*Don't forget to check out my book, Moby Brick's Unshuffled Deck!








No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...