Sunday, January 31, 2016

Breaking Dounut


I recently got a job working at a donut factory. I was pretty excited; I finally got a job in a field I love..



DAY ONE


BOSS MAN
OK new hires, now that we're done with filling out our W2's its time to open your training manuals.

BRICK
Training manual?? How hard can it be to pour polycarbonate into a donut mold?

BOSS MAN
What the hell are you talking about?

BRICK
Don't we manufacture donuts here?

BOSS MAN
We BAKE donuts. And they're not made of polycarbonate!!

BRICK
Whaaaaat? What are they made of then?

BOSS MAN
Donuts are made of dough, Brick.

BRICK
I'm in way over my head. How long is this training going to be?

BOSS MAN
Six weeks.

BRICK
Fuck me. This is gonna be a loooong fortnight!


So what makes them shiny?


Thursday, January 21, 2016

Professor Gives Easiest Exam Ever: "every answer is 'Government Expansion'"



Math classes aren't usually the ones that college students are excited to sign up for. But a Florida University math professor by the name of Rupert Winslow III teaches a statistics class which has managed to become the single most popular class on the roster of courses. It has become so popular that students from other schools travel from over 50 miles away to take the class. There is now a six month waiting list to get into the class.

There are a few theories floating around the campus as to why this is the case. Some say it's because the class is mandatory for many business and science majors. Professor Winslow believes it's due to his charm and a certain "je ne sais quoi" he felt about himself ever since he was boy. 


"I felt it mostly in my pants."


The students themselves have a different theory. "This dumbass professor gives the easiest tests ever, the answer to every single problem is 'Government Expansion,'" says one sophomore.

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