Friday, July 31, 2015

B.Y.O.D. (be your own daddy)

I had a bday BBQ the other day; invited the homies. They all started showing up around 7 PM as I asked them to. There was only one problem...


HALF SHOT
*calls me up*

BRICK
Hello?

HALF SHOT
Yeah it's me.

BRICK
You on your way?

HALF SHOT
I'm already here. Question: where the fuck are you??

BRICK
I'll be there in a bit I just had to get something at the store real quick.

HALF SHOT 
What did you need to get?

BRICK
Meat, charcoal, salsa, guacamole, chips, oni-

HALF SHOT
Seriously?? So what am I supposed to do for the next two hours?? Hang out in your driveway??

BRICK
Nah dude, just go to the back yard. There's a gate on the right side of the house; should be open. There's bunch a people are back there already.


**So he goes to the back yard where he sees Nacho, Joe DiManho, Cuervo, K-mo.**


NACHO
Sup man. You here for Brick's BBQ?

HALF SHOT
Yeah.


**They heard a noise. Then watched Hak Man, Frankie and Deana jump the wall on the left side of the house**


HAK MAN
Is this Brick's BBQ?

K-MO
You must be Hak Man.

HAK MAN
How'd you know??

K-MO
Just a sense. Why did you jump the fence? You know there's a gate on the other side, right?

HAK MAN
This is my first time at Brick's pad. No one answered the door so I thought we should just hop the fence.

K-MO
You've never been here before and you just hopped the fence?? What if you had the wrong house?

HAK MAN
I guess I hadn't thought that far ahead.

K-MO
What do you do for a living?

HAK MAN
I'm an engineer. I build planes and shit..


** blank stares all around**
En Garde! by Kevin Pack, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic License   by  Kevin Pack 

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Brick vs the Sea (the day the ocean dieded)



The other day, my homie Donnie B and I decided to go kayaking in New Port Beach. We picked New Port because apparently there is a bay there that is super easy to drop a kayak in. So we went to said bay, dropped the kayak, and started paddling out. It was fun at first but then it got kind of boring.


When bored snap a selfie..

Friday, June 26, 2015

151 Too Many (poisoned by the illuminati)



Ladies and gentlemen, I recently went to Vegas. And there, I believe I was poisoned by the Illuminati. The following is my recollection of events:


Donnie B, Cuevro, P Nutty, Joe DiMannho, arrived at the suite in the fancy shiny building on the strip. We were greeted by Landlord Patrick (or LP as he won't allow me to call him) who had gotten there earlier in the day.

BRICK:
OMG! Are you the landlord of Vegas too??

LP:
Do you really think I would waste my time hanging around your broke ass if I was the Landlord of Vegas!?

BRICK:
Touche.


Shiny beacon amongst plain ol white buildings!!
Hilton Grand Vacations aka Elara, Marrio by Robcowboy, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License   by  Robcowboy 


Monday, April 20, 2015

Hak-ing It Up with Old Man



Sharp as a Brick

Old Man has been getting, well, old. So they put him in a home. I went to go see him the other day. The nurse led me to his room. He's still got it..



NURSE
Hi Old Man! Brick's here to see you. If you guys need anything just let me know.

BRICK
She's nice. What's her name?

OLD MAN
I don't know. They all look the same to me.

BRICK
So you made any friends here yet?

OLD MAN
Well, I haven't made any enemies.

BRICK
Same difference.



I wish you luck with your mirror argument Old Man! I always seem to lose mine..

Friday, February 27, 2015

Mind your T's


So today I left work early (read: on time) so I could make sure to get to my first day of speech class on time. I jumped in my car and hauled ass almost killing three people. But made it on time - only to be permanently kicked out of the class. Yes, the very first week of the semester and I already got 86'ed!! You want to know why they would kick out a self-proclaimed, super genius like myself?? Here's why!!!:



TTH



Don't know what the fuck that means? Welcome to the club! TTH. That's not a typo. That, according to oh-so-smarter-than-tho academia's class schedule, apparently means Tuesdays and Thursdays.




No, not fuck you Jonah Hill, fuck academia!! Fuck them hard with a coconut. Did you know that you could write the most prolific essay in the history of mankind and those assholes will lower your grade or even refuse your paper all together simply because you didn't use the right formatting?

"Well," you reply, "they are just perfectionists." Right. I would believe you except for the fact that they're so fucking lazy that they shortened Tuesdays and Thursdays to:


TTH


Like seriously dude, you couldn't do this:


Tue - Thr


or even fucking this:


T - TH


Is it too much trouble to add a clarifying dash mr professor!? You have too many mind blowing dissertations to write? Not an ounce of ink to spare??

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Life Ain't No Thang...

Sometimes the small stories in life are what make it funny as hell...



POP GOES THE HEART


One time I went to my buddy Nacho's house. I sat on the couch to watch TV with him.


BRICK
What's that?

**I pointed to a medical device on his coffee table**

NACHO
Its for checking blood pressure. Wanna try it?

BRICK
Sure.

**We ran the test. My result was extremely high. He yelled out to his mom who was in the kitchen.**

NACHO
Hey mom! Is Brick gonna die? His blood pressure's at 190/100

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Brick Unfurled


Well my beloved, stinking hoards of fans, it's been about a month since I've given you any updates about my life, and that's a long time in Brick years. So I thought I'd let you know what I've been up to. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat dying in anticipation..

D'ya miss me?


BRICK JOINS A BOXING GYM


My friend has been boxing for a few years now and I always told him I'd join the gym. I finally did about a couple of weeks ago. I walked in my first day and saw a trainer in the ring with his student in the middle of a coaching session.


BRICK
Excuse me sir! Hello??

TRAINER
Huh? What? What's going on?

BRICK
Where's your vending machine? I could really go for a moon pie right about now..

TRAINER
This is a boxing gym!

BRICK
And that's all you ever will be with that attitude!!

Monday, December 8, 2014

Off the Rails..

I moved around a lot as a kid. I spent ages 2-7 in West LA off Sepulveda and National. To this date, that has been the longest stretch of time I've ever lived in one city. So I like to think of it as my home town. Last weekend I stayed the night with some friends on the Westside.

The next morning I thought I'd pay a visit to my old stompin grounds since it was close by and drove to a park I used to play at all the time. I wanted to find the rock that me and my best friend Omar used to love to play with. No we weren't mentally challenged. It was actually a giant man-made rock that was meant to be a sort of creative jungle gym for kids.

It was so much fun to climb it and fight for dominance with the other kids. We could play on that thing for what seemed like hours. That was about two decades ago though, so I wasn't sure if it would still be there. But as I rolled up to the park I could see that it was.

My heart jumped at the thought of climbing back up on my precious rock, hoping no one was going to call the cops as I shoved their kids once again attempting to be King of the Rock. It turns out I didn't have to worry about that.


See Afghanis? Living in rubble ain't so bad, if you shape it the right way...


Friday, October 3, 2014

Eagles Need Two Wings to Soar..

As an International Man of intrigue, I watch a lot of Comedy Central. It keeps me in touch with what's going on in the world. For comic relief, I turn to CNN. It's always good for a laugh. Apparently there's been much talk lately about left vs right political views. I've decided to settle the issue once and for all...


The spirit of the buffalo is strong with this eagle.
Eagle by buddapix, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic License   by  buddapix 

Monday, September 29, 2014

Do You Speak Religion?


Yeah audio sync is off, but what hey what u gonna do when using free software you mooched off the internet?


Y
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