Monday, April 20, 2015

Hak-ing It Up with Old Man

Sharp as a Brick

Old Man has been getting, well, old. So they put him in a home. I went to go see him the other day. The nurse led me to his room. He's still got it..

Hi Old Man! Brick's here to see you. If you guys need anything just let me know.

She's nice. What's her name?

I don't know. They all look the same to me.

Haha. So you made any friends here yet?

Well, I haven't made any enemies.

Same difference.

I wish you luck with your mirror argument Old Man! I always seem to lose mine..

Friday, February 27, 2015

Mind your T's

So today I left work early (read: on time) so I could make sure to get to my first day of speech class on time. I jumped in my car and hauled ass almost killing three people. But made it on time - only to be permanently kicked out of the class. Yes, the very first week of the semester and I already got 86'ed!! You want to know why they would kick out a self-proclaimed, super genius like myself?? Here's why!!!:


Don't know what the fuck that means? Welcome to the club! TTH. That's not a typo. That, according to oh-so-smarter-than-tho academia's class schedule, apparently means Tuesdays and Thursdays.

No, not fuck you Jonah Hill, fuck academia!! Fuck them hard with a coconut. Did you know that you could write the most prolific essay in the history of mankind and those assholes will lower your grade or even refuse your paper all together simply because you didn't use the right formatting?

"Well," you reply, "they are just perfectionists." Right. I would believe you except for the fact that they're so fucking lazy that they shortened Tuesdays and Thursdays to:


Like seriously dude, you couldn't do this:

Tue - Thr

or even fucking this:

T - TH

Is it too much trouble to add a clarifying dash mr professor!? You have too many mind blowing dissertations to write? Not an ounce of ink to spare??

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Life Ain't No Thang...

Sometimes the small stories in life are what make it funny as hell...


One time I went to my buddy Nacho's house. I sat on the couch to watch TV with him.

What's that?

**I pointed to a medical device on his coffee table**

Its for checking blood pressure. Wanna try it?


**We ran the test. My result was extremely high. He yelled out to his mom who was in the kitchen.**

Hey mom! Is Brick gonna die? His blood pressure's at 190/100

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Brick Unfurled

Well my beloved, stinking hoards of fans, it's been about a month since I've given you any updates about my life, and that's a long time in Brick years. So I thought I'd let you know what I've been up to. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat dying in anticipation..

D'ya miss me?


My friend has been boxing for a few years now and I always told him I'd join the gym. I finally did about a couple of weeks ago. I walked in my first day and saw a trainer in the ring with his student in the middle of a coaching session.

Excuse me sir! Hello??

Huh? What? What's going on?

Where's your vending machine? I could really go for a moon pie right about now..

This is a boxing gym!

And that's all you ever will be with that attitude!!

Monday, December 8, 2014

Off the Rails..

I moved around a lot as a kid. I spent ages 2-7 in West LA off Sepulveda and National. To this date, that has been the longest stretch of time I've ever lived in one city. So I like to think of it as my home town. Last weekend I stayed the night with some friends on the Westside.

The next morning I thought I'd pay a visit to my old stompin grounds since it was close by and drove to a park I used to play at all the time. I wanted to find the rock that me and my best friend Omar used to love to play with. No we weren't mentally challenged. It was actually a giant man-made rock that was meant to be a sort of creative jungle gym for kids.

It was so much fun to climb it and fight for dominance with the other kids. We could play on that thing for what seemed like hours. That was about two decades ago though, so I wasn't sure if it would still be there. But as I rolled up to the park I could see that it was.

My heart jumped at the thought of climbing back up on my precious rock, hoping no one was going to call the cops as I shoved their kids once again attempting to be King of the Rock. It turns out I didn't have to worry about that.

See Afghanis? Living in rubble ain't so bad, if you shape it the right way...

Friday, October 3, 2014

Eagles Need Two Wings to Soar..

As an International Man of intrigue, I watch a lot of Comedy Central. It keeps me in touch with what's going on in the world. For comic relief, I turn to CNN. It's always good for a laugh. Apparently there's been much talk lately about left vs right political views. I've decided to settle the issue once and for all...

The spirit of the buffalo is strong with this eagle.
Eagle by buddapix, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic License   by  buddapix 

Monday, September 29, 2014

Do You Speak Religion?

Yeah audio sync is off, but what hey what u gonna do when using free software you mooched off the internet?


Thursday, September 25, 2014

Brick in the Pants

I know I post this shit too much, but conversations between me and Nacho make me laugh too much not to share..

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Eye of the Liger (stages are lonely)

A few weeks ago, actor  Robin Williams killed himself. It came as a shock to many. Now while I get depression, I don't fully understand suicide. Life is short enough as it is. You want it all to end? Don't worry - it will. That's one of the few guaranties you can count on. So why make it any shorter, especially a funny man, a guy who gets paid millions to act a fool? He had such an sweet gig..

Why are so many entertainers substance abusers? Why do they have self destructive tenancies? How can someone get on stage to perform in front of a large crowd and yet claim to have social anxiety? As a wannabe entertainer, I believe I can shed a bit of light on these questions. It's because us comedians, wannabe or not, have the eye of the liger. A liger, in case you never saw Napoleon Dynamite, is a mix between a lion and a tiger.

Ok, starting to understand the suicide thing now..
napoleon dynamite by thisRobot, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License   by  thisRobot 

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Inspite of Our Fathers (the drunken master-debator incident)

Were you raised by a man of character who taught you right from wrong? Yeah me neither.

Although he was considerably flexible for a fat guy. 

As a result of my poor upbringing here's what I get up to on my spare time:

8:00 P.M.

My buddy Cuervo hit me up wanting to go to Hollywood. I was already in L.A. so we arranged for him to pick me up on Los Angeles Street in the heart of downtown. He drove up and down the street but could not see me. We were wasting precious party minutes, so I decided to take one for the team. I threw what dignity I had left out of the hole in the wall I call a window and started dancing like a leprechaun. That way Cuervo could see me his next lap down the street.

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