Sunday, September 7, 2014

Eye of the Liger (stages are lonely)

A few weeks ago, actor  Robin Williams killed himself. It came as a shock to many. Now while I get depression, I don't fully understand suicide. Life is short enough as it is. You want it all to end? Don't worry - it will. That's one of the few guaranties you can count on. So why make it any shorter, especially a funny man, a guy who gets paid millions to act a fool? He had such an sweet gig..

Why are so many entertainers substance abusers? Why do they have self destructive tenancies? How can someone get on stage to perform in front of a large crowd and yet claim to have social anxiety?

As a wannabe entertainer, I believe I can shed a bit of light on these questions. It's because us comedians, wannabe or not, have the eye of the liger. A liger, in case you never saw Napoleon Dynamite, is a mix between a lion and a tiger.

Ok, starting to understand the suicide thing now..
napoleon dynamite by thisRobot, on Flickr
Creative Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic License   by  thisRobot 

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Inspite of Our Fathers (the drunken master-debator incident)

Were you raised by a man of character who taught you right from wrong? Yeah me neither.

Although he was considerably flexible for a fat guy. 

As a result of my poor upbringing here's what I get up to on my spare time:

8:00 P.M.

My buddy Cuervo hit me up wanting to go to Hollywood. I was already in L.A. so we arranged for him to pick me up on Los Angeles Street in the heart of downtown. He drove up and down the street but could not see me. We were wasting precious party minutes, so I decided to one for the team. I threw what dignity I had left out of the hole in the wall I call a window and started dancing like a leprechaun. That way Cuervo could see me his next lap down the street.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Pinky Swears Last Forever

Hi peeps, I know I haven't posted in a while. But I finally got my own home-made internet, so more posts to come! In the meantime thought I'd post the opening scene of a romantic comedy movie I started working on..

"Nooooo! How could my horse leave me!! I thought I locked the gate??"

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Alice in Blunderland

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about GMO's (stands for Genetically Modified fOod, probably) around the water cooler a.k.a. Facebook. I know it's cool to bang the anti-GMO bongo. But as someone who was never allowed in the box to begin with, let me give you the "outside the box" perspective...

"Come on! Let me in the box! I promise I won't fart this time... haha just kidding"

For starters, I believe that human intellect and creativity were given to us for a reason. We were actually meant to develop technology from spears that let our ancestors feed and protect themselves, to guns that do the same for us today; from huts that protected our ancestors from the "elements" to barns that store food.

I don't understand this newfound raw hatred for any kind of human development whatsoever. I'm not saying people don't take things too far sometimes. And just because we are capable of doing something is not reason enough to justify doing it. But think about what the world would be like if we never expressed our intelligence through development. Take fruit for example; such a perfect natural food packed with vitamins and minerals which help us grow strong and they taste delicious at the same time. Except that they don't.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Sweet Love; Bad Cookie

Love in my life has been like rainbows: I could see it's beauty but is was never within my grasp...

Oh a double rainbow? Nice, rub it in..

According to memes I've seen on facebook, I'm supposed to be nice to people with unseeable diseases like autism and diabeats or however you spell that shit. Whatever you know what I mean. Anyways what about unseen emotional scars? They are actually pretty comparable.

Let's say that there was a Pop Warner football game going on, and a little kid broke his leg. Even if he had the most uninvolved, barely caring parents, they would at the very least take him to the emergency room.

Could you imagine if you saw a kid break his leg and his parents yelled at him, "suck it up!! Quit being a bitch!!" Even if he tried to do that, it would only make his injury worse. A broken bone requires medical attention. There's simply no getting around that.

There was also no getting around Roger McGully. We had to show my X-ray for the insurance claim, I want to see his birth cirtificate!! 7 years old my ass!!!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Upping Your Date

A few years ago, me and some homies were out getting tacos at Boca Del Rio in La Puente at about two in the morning. Afterwards, we headed home down Hacienda Blvd when we could see smoke coming from behind some trees a good couple of miles away. "There must be a house on fire," I said to my friends.

The next day I found out that the smoke we had seen came from my parish church, St. John Vianney's, which had been burnt down to the ground by an arsonist. We now hold mass under a giant tent, and after much negotiation with the insurance company, a settlement has finally been reached. We still need to raise about another 10 million dollars to rebuild the church, but fortunately the parishoners have been generous and we are getting there.

Things can change in an instant from just a small spark - sometimes for better, sometimes for worse..

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Fine-ass Beach

My stay in San Diego wasn't all about getting drunk and complaining out my job. It was also about a lot of awesome beach hiking. Here are some pretty pictures of da beech...

Monday, November 11, 2013

Tales of the Sea.... of alcohol that we drank o.0

ARRR mateys!!  Here be ye three tales of drunken dumbfuckery. Enjoy...

Furniture Crashers

One time my homie El Mizo hit me up...

Hey Brick, come down to my pad I'm having a house party. Ay but do me a favor, pick up a few pizzas on the way. Don't worry I'll pay you back when you get here.


So I did as he said, bought some pizzas, and drove down to his pad. At his pad was alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Like, no shit, check out the size of my glass

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Days of Young

Do Bricks Age? 

Nah, they outlast civilizations ;)

So I had a birthday recently. I thought I could sneak it by my coworkers till I got to work that Friday morning where I found my cubical littered with HR-approved dollar store birthday decorations. They spare no expense at my low paying soulless corporation.

Modern day panem et circenses.

So it's your birthday this weekend huh. What you doing to celebrate?

Going to a funeral.

At least I get to suit up.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Rumble in the Ghetto

When weekend rolls around, I like to spend time watering my azaleas, tending to my precious stock market shares, oh and getting shitface-plastered.

The perfect trifecta!!
Pismo trio (L-R: Dorothy Ellis, TJ Carse by mikebaird, on Flickr
Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License  by  mikebaird 

This particular night in question, we rolled out to Adams Ave for a little bar hoping and tomfoolery. Our group consisted of me, El Mizo, and Gambi (stands for Grown Ass Man Being Insulted). It was a good time as we downed shot after shot of fireball and got some beers in us inbetween. We then saw one of Gambi's good friends, Cici, who El Mizo was attracted to - out with two other dudes who she was taking home with her.

El Mizo proposed we follow them back to her house. "I'm down," I said. What could possibly go wrong? We bought some beer and headed down 36th to crash the menage. When we got there, I walked in the livingroom while El Mizo and Gambi went to put beers in the fridge.

I pointed to a boom box in the corner of the room and said, "oh cool, they used to call those ghetto blasters, hehe."

As it turns out, one of the dudes Cici had brought home with her was a complete and total douchebag. I knew this the minute he responded to my comment with, "yeah, and it looks like it brought the ghetto in too."

Oh hell no. You can say what you want about me - vast majority of the time I won't even give a shit, but you insult my homies and it's on, especially since Gambi is black and I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a racist comment. Either way I started tearing into this dude.

I don't know what's more white, your shirt or your skin tone.

Ahaha very funny. Say why do they call you Brick? Is it because you're as dumb as a brick?

Naw, I'm not as dumb as you look.

Good one, I'll take that as a compliment coming from you.

You should take it as a complement, cause that's about as good as it's gonna get.

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