Friday, February 27, 2015

Mind your T's


So today I left work early (read: on time) so I could make sure to get to my first day of speech class on time. I jumped in my car and hauled ass almost killing three people. But made it on time - only to be permanently kicked out of the class. Yes, the very first week of the semester and I already got 86'ed!! You want to know why they would kick out a self-proclaimed, super genius like myself?? Here's why!!!:



TTH



Don't know what the fuck that means? Welcome to the club! TTH. That's not a typo. That, according to oh-so-smarter-than-tho academia's class schedule, apparently means Tuesdays and Thursdays.




No, not fuck you Jonah Hill, fuck academia!! Fuck them hard with a coconut. Did you know that you could write the most prolific essay in the history of mankind and those assholes will lower your grade or even refuse your paper all together simply because you didn't use the right formatting?

"Well," you reply, "they are just perfectionists." Right. I would believe you except for the fact that they're so fucking lazy that they shortened Tuesdays and Thursdays to:


TTH


Like seriously dude, you couldn't do this:


Tue - Thr


or even fucking this:


T - TH


Is it too much trouble to add a clarifying dash mr professor!? You have too many mind blowing dissertations to write? Not an ounce of ink to spare??

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Life Ain't No Thang...

Sometimes the small stories in life are what make it funny as hell...



POP GOES THE HEART


One time I went to my buddy Nacho's house. I sat on the couch to watch TV with him.


BRICK
What's that?

**I pointed to a medical device on his coffee table**

NACHO
Its for checking blood pressure. Wanna try it?

BRICK
Sure.

**We ran the test. My result was extremely high. He yelled out to his mom who was in the kitchen.**

NACHO
Hey mom! Is Brick gonna die? His blood pressure's at 190/100

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