Friday, February 27, 2015

Mind your T's

So today I left work early (read: on time) so I could make sure to get to my first day of speech class on time. I jumped in my car and hauled ass almost killing three people. But made it on time - only to be permanently kicked out of the class. Yes, the very first week of the semester and I already got 86'ed!! You want to know why they would kick out a self-proclaimed, super genius like myself?? Here's why!!!:


Don't know what the fuck that means? Welcome to the club! TTH. That's not a typo. That, according to oh-so-smarter-than-tho academia's class schedule, apparently means Tuesdays and Thursdays.

No, not fuck you Jonah Hill, fuck academia!! Fuck them hard with a coconut. Did you know that you could write the most prolific essay in the history of mankind and those assholes will lower your grade or even refuse your paper all together simply because you didn't use the right formatting?

"Well," you reply, "they are just perfectionists." Right. I would believe you except for the fact that they're so fucking lazy that they shortened Tuesdays and Thursdays to:


Like seriously dude, you couldn't do this:

Tue - Thr

or even fucking this:

T - TH

Is it too much trouble to add a clarifying dash mr professor!? You have too many mind blowing dissertations to write? Not an ounce of ink to spare??

So because of this most lazy and confusing way to symbolize what days classes are on, I missed the first day of class, which was on a Tuesday.  I showed up today, Thursday, and was told the first day of class was two days ago.

No worries, I'm just one class behind. Surely I could catch up in no time right? Nope! The professor kindly let me know, "I dropped you. There are people here who are more dedicated than you. They also know how to check the legend on the class schedule." The other sudents had to hold me back.

 Your tenureship can't save you in the real world professor!!!

A whole semester gone, just completely wasted. So I didn't have time to check the legend on the class schedule. Sorry that I work for fucking a living. We can't all survive on government cheese! I wonder how many people never finished their degrees because of TTH?? 

Probably explains the state of our economy.

I now found myself in the desperate position of needing to add a class within the next hour or two. After all it was already 6:00 PM on the last day of the school week. I ran around the campus with a class schedule in hand checking to see which classes were still going on that I needed for my major. They probably did this on purpose!! There were probably a bunch of professors watching from the bell tower playing human pinball for shits and giggles!!

"Never bet on the fat ones."

After barging in on three other speech classes, a Spanish class, and three biology classes only to have each one tell me I couldn't add their class, I was down to one last 7 PM biology class. It was my only hope. When the class started I went up to the professor and asked him if I could add the class.

Take a seat, and if none of the registered students show up you can keep it. So you'll know by the end of the class.

Cool, so I'll know by 8:30

No, you'll know by 10 PM. This is a three hour class.

You want me to hang around for three hours just to find out if you'll add me??

Yes, and you'd better pay attention too! We're gonna have our first quiz the very next class if you actually make the cut.

You're already gonna have a quiz next Thursday??

Wrong again, son. This class is TTH. You do know what that means right?

You're lucky you're a big guy!

What's that?


So there you have it. I might just be so lucky as to be able to add this 6 hour a week biology class, I didn't intend on taking in the first place, which of course means I'll never see the light of day again.

Yay, I'm so happy.

*Don't forget to check out my book!  

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