Sunday, November 25, 2012

Near Traumatized

On a popping night, Nacho, Chi-Chi, and I went out to Kelly's Bar a Karaoke joint in Pomona. I love Kelly's because there are usually many beautiful Latinas walking around, or even better, busting a move on the dance floor.

Now when it comes to how chicks see me, I believe I am about average. That's an OK place to be I guess, but certainly not ideal. You see I have player friends that get all the hot chicks; then I have bum friends who girls simply won't hit on.

Since I'm inbetween the two, I get hit on by all the average to ugly chicks because they know they're not going to get anywhere with the players; and they don't want to hit on the bums because they think that's aiming too low.

But I guess I really can't complain. For a guy who makes no effort to go up and talk to girls, I get a decent amount of play. And I do occasionally get hit on by some fine chicks for no apparent reason.

Like that stupid fountain at the mall people keep throwing change in. You're not getting any candy out of it buddy, believe me!!

So anyways, the three of us stood at a standing table, and drank some drinking brews while checking out the talent on the dance floor. Suddenly, I felt a pair of small hands wrap around my neck from behind and playfully choke me. Fortunately I'd lost my paranoid mindset I had just a few years prior.

Otherwise it could have been a repeat of that time a girl grabbed my butt at a night club in Philly. I thought someone was going for my wallet; so I spun around with my fist in the air ready to pop someone in the jaw only to see a freaked out 120 pound girl with her hands blocking her face. Her friend cussed me out and took the girl away before I could even apologize and explain.

As I was saying, it was good I wasn't as paranoid anymore, but I wasn't going to get too excited just yet. I mean it could just be another ugly chick being super-aggressive as they usually are. However when the girl came round in front of me I was pleasantly surprised to see she was smoking hot!! Her eyes were closed as she was totally grooving to the music.

She started grinding on me while I looked over at my homies. Chi-Chi gave me the thumbs up; Nacho shook his head in disgust - probably thinking, "How does this scumbag do it??" The girl took me by the hand and lead me to the dance floor for more grinding action.

After the effects of grinding, um took effect, she turned around with a big smile on her face. But as soon as her eyes met mine, her smile turned into a look of sheer horror. Her terrified stare paralyzed her for a split second before her brain kicked in and told her legs to get the hell away from the monstrosity that stood in front of her.

She ran back to her friends one of which comforted her the others of which all had their eyes on me semi-embarrassed, semi-curious. At this point, all kinds of thoughts ran through my head. Did I have something in my teeth? Are my eyes freakishly too close together? I never felt so ugly in all my life.

It's the way I point, isn't it?

After experiencing the elation of the easiest picking up of a hot chick ever, I now had the shame of having to walk back to my boys who saw it all go down. "What'd you say this time, Brick?" Nacho asked me. 

"No it's not like that, dude! I didn't even get a chance to talk this time!" I replied.

This could have been a very traumatizing experience, but fortunately a man came out of the restroom and explained everything to me; no, not with his words but with his looks. You see, he looked just like me. Same build, same haircut, even same grey shirt.

He walked over to the hot chick and they hugged. He was her boyfriend, and she had thought I was him. It wasn't till she looked directly at my mug that she realized she just grinded on a total random stranger.

I'm glad I stuck around to see this explanatory scene unfold. And while it wasn't the hot-chick-wants-your-jock-just-cuz fairy tale I originally thought it was, it meant that a girl as hot as her would go out with a guy that looks like me. Take that player friends!!!!  And to a lesser extent take that bum friends!!

I kid, I kid. You guys are awesome. Wish you wouldn't force me to blur your faces.

*Don't forget to check out my book!  


  1. Greetings! Do you own any blogging or this is just a completely natural gift? Many thanks in advance for your reply.

  2. Ok ok I admit it - I blog on steroids!!


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