Saturday, December 8, 2012

Return of the Brick (Part 2)

So there I was at the airport all set to head back to Cali. As previously mentioned, the TSA agent decided to allow me to leave Europa for the U.S.A. despite the fact that my passport was well past its expiration date. I took one last look at Europa, boarded my plane, and ignored the safety show they put on before take off. Sorry, but the stewardesses just weren't cute enough.

Life saver, right here.

I had a layover in Philly, my old albeit brief home some five years ago. After getting a bunch of crap from Customs for my expired passport and from Agriculture for the bags of fertilizer in my suitcases, I finally boarded my plane for LAX.

When I landed there, my good friend JT picked me up from the "arrivals" curb. They knew what they were doing when they built the Los Angeles airport as it is laced with palm trees. Home sweet home... of immigrants.

Wanna get some grub?


What you want?


Score! I just made $20!

You bet I was going to want tacos didn't you!

Later on, JT introduced me to Patrick, his friend who's pad I was going to be staying at.

Thanks so much for letting me stay here, Patrick.

Oh please, call me Landlord. Also, don't ever look me in the eyes.

O... K...

We kicked it with Donnie B, and the other roommates in the house, drinking beers and swapping stories till I finally just knocked the fuck out at 1 AM. The next day was my good homie Cue Man's birthday. So we all rolled out to Dueling Pianos in Ontario to celebrate.

Dueling Pianos is a weird joint. It feels like a white people bar only it's filled with Mexicans. They literally have two people playing pianos, dueling it out, taking requests and making raunchy jokes.

Every time someone made a birthday request, the pianist would call that person up and play a song while having that person dance. As we sat at our table, Cuervo looked me square in the eyes. "Don't you fucking dare." Too bad I've never been much of a good listener.

I told the crew I was going to the bathroom, which I did. But on the way back I went up to the girl pianist and asked her, if she could do a birthday request without having the person come up to dance. She said yes. I asked her if she knew Biz Markie's "Just a Friend." Again she said yes, and told me to write down my request on their request pad.

I sat back down with the crew satisfied with my deed. Sure Cuervo had told me not to put in a request for him, but he wasn't going to have to dance. What could go wrong? Then suddenly...

OK peoples, there's only ten minutes left! We're gonna do all the remaining birthday requests at once. Come up here, Rachel, Tammy, Jennifer, and.... I'm not sure how to pronounce this.. Cuervo?

You son of a bitch!


I told you not to!

She said she wouldn't call you up. I'm so gonna put in a complaint with the Board of False Requests.

But Cuervo finally obliged as the crew egged him on. Unfortunately for him, not having Cuervo go onstage wasn't the only part of my request she ignored.  She also completely ignored the song opting instead for "YMCA" and just when I thought it couldn't be any better, she put a sailor hat on Cuervo.

At least these guys don't have to show their faces.

The pianist kept getting mad because they were fucking up the dance so bad. She finally assigned them each a letter, but that didn't help much. Cuervo was assigned "Y" and she had to keep repeating, "Y.. Y.. Y!!!" I stook up for Cuervo though. I yelled out, "it's not his fault! He's a Mexican, they use J's instead of Y's!!" Cuervo stared at me from on stage; he mouthed out the phrase I've heard him tell me so many times: "I hate you."

It was a great night, and if Cuervo's girl ever shares the footage she shot of him on stage, I will post it for you guys. But yes, I'm so happy to be back. I recently bought a "new" whip, and a fancy smanchy cell phone on which I called all my homies. So good to have long conversations again. Can't wait to kick it with all my peeps.

Well now that I have a car and I'm back in my home town, there will probably be many more adventures to come. Check my blog for details. Lates fuckers!

*This post is dedicated to JT, Patrick, Donnie B, and last but not least Cuervo. Thanks for the love my brothers. Also I hope people realize not all the stories in this blog are accurate, and that the characters are often made out to be meaner or dumber than they are in real life for comedic purposes o.0

*Don't forget to check out my book!  

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...