Saturday, September 29, 2012


Take my survey and find out!!

Look down at your waist right now. Do you see a gut? OK we identified the problem; now we need to identify the source. Chances are you're either a pig or an alcoholic; let's find out! For each question select either option D or option F:

F) You tell time by counting backwards from meals. For example 5:30 PM is "an hour and a half till dinner."
D) You don't own a clock because you don't have a job or a house to put it in.

D) You've gotten a DUI riding your bike.
F) You are incapable of riding a bike.

F) The entire staff at mcDonalds knows your name - at all mcDonalds within a 20 mile radius.
D) You've been banned from all liquor stores within the entire county.

F) You tend to be out of breath.
D) You tend to hallucinate.

F) You once ate your own hand.
D) You lost your hand but have no idea how. Probably hanging out with some fat guy.

F) People find you unattractive.
D) You even find the people who select option F attractive.

F) You've had entire conversations about fried food.
D) You've had entire conversations with a wall.

F) Someone called you fat and a crisco tear ran down your cheek.
D) The doctor told you you have a vitamin deficiency because you don't eat enough so you told him they should make vitamin enriched beer. Then you assulted him because he was trying to be all smart with you.

D) You see double.
F) You're blind. (It's the diabetes!)

D) You used to throw up a lot but you've built up your tolerance.
F) You used to throw up a lot but you've built up your tolerance.

Now find someone who knows how to count and tally up your score!

Five or more F's = you're a pig!

Five or more D's = you're a drunken pig!

I'm only being hard on you because I've been there before. You don't even want to see the drunk pictures!

*Don't forget to check out my book!

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