When my dad kicked me out, I stayed at my
friend's parents' house for a bit. They had me do some chores outside, and I get the feeling
my safety was not their primary concern. And yes, this is a true story...
DAD
"Brick, stand on that table and
get all that crap off the roof of my shed."
ME
"The table with the rotten
legs? It looks dangerous, sir."
DAD
"Just do it quickly. Remember
your on borrowed time when you stand on that table; it could go at any
minute."
BRICK
"OK."
So i get up on the table and start
taking things down from the roof.
BRICK
"Mr Dad, how come you have
a scythe on your roof?"
DAD
"Don't ask questions boy. What
else is up there?"
BRICK
"Um, there's a latter."
DAD
"Yeah get that down too."
Yeah it was
kind of odd that they kept so much crap on the roof of their shed, but I guess
it's an efficient way to make room for storage; you know until it RAINS.
Anyways, just as I got the latter in my hands the legs of the table gave way
and the whole table fell. I chucked the latter impaling it into a trash can and
somehow managed to stay on my feet.
DAD
"You OK?"
BRICK
"Yes, sir."
DAD
"Come here. You see that slab
of concrete? That's what saved your ass."
BRICK
"Oh."
What he meant was that there was a
piece of concrete under the table that stopped it from falling all the
way to the ground and instead stayed a foot above and level. I never thought a
slab of concrete would for once prevent me from getting injured.
DAD
"Well so much for the table. I
guess just use the latter to get the rest of the stuff off."
BRICK
"The latter appears to be
broken, sir."
DAD
"Its only missing a few nuts
and bolts. Just prop it up against the wall; you'll be fine."
After I finished getting all his shit off the shed roof, his wife had me clean out some
old plant pots. Right when I was cleaning one out a spider scurried out.
BRICK
"Agghhh!! A black widow!"
MOM
"Just squash it with your
hands."
BRICK
"But it's a black widow!"
MOM
"Don't be a pussy! Squash it with your hand!"
BRICK
"I believe a black widow bite
is fatal, Mrs. Mom."
MOM
"Nah it'll just give you a
tummy ache. Kill it! Don't be a pussy!"
Then they fed me pizza and lemonade. While I'm pretty sure they got an insurance policy out on me, anyone
who feeds me pizza pie is A-OK in my book. =p
Though I did wonder why the lemonade was foaming o.0
Haha, glad to know that they care about you. The pizza really shows it.
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