Sunday, October 25, 2015

Breaking News: OSHA Hires Mayweather as Their New Spokesman:: Mayweather "safety first has always been my motto"



It was announced today that boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather will be the new spokesman for the Occupational Safety & Hazard Administration (OSHA).

Steven Richards assistant staff director for the Department of Labor human resources division said, "we have always liked the way Mayweather fights in the ring. We describe his style as a cautious, 'don't get hurt' approach which is exactly what we stand for here at OSHA."

Residents of the the Michigan neighborhood where Mayweather grew up were asked if they were surprised to hear of this news. "Not really," said one of his of his former neighbors. She recalled the extreme cautiousness he practiced even as a child. "I remember the other kids would climb trees that were still standing but not Money. He would wait till the tree was old and decrepit. Once it fell over he would climb on top of the trunk and raise his arms in victory."


 New equipment Mayweather plans on bringing into the ring using his position at OSHA.


Friday, September 25, 2015

Evolving Truth


I am a full on Catholic; like don't eat meat on Fridays, church every Sunday (after sobering up from Saturday) believe in purgatory Catholic. So do I think humans started with Adam and Eve, and that angels came down from heaven and made love to the "daughters of Eve" to create human/angel hybrids, and that God walked the Earth and placed a giant, flaming, rotating sword at the base of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil?

Common sense tells me these things never happened. Course I don't know for sure; I wasn't there. Jesus taught His disciples using parables i.e. stories that didn't actually happen but that have valuable lessons none the less. I think some of the Old Testament if not all of it was parables from God. They may never have actually happened, but that doesn't make their lessons any less valuable.


Although I'm really hoping the whole confession absolves your sins stuff is for real.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Brick vs the Sea (the day the ocean dieded)



The other day, my homie Donnie B and I decided to go kayaking in New Port Beach. We picked New Port because apparently there is a bay there that is super easy to drop a kayak in. So we went to said bay, dropped the kayak, and started paddling out. It was fun at first but then it got kind of boring.


When bored snap a selfie..

Friday, February 27, 2015

Mind your T's


So today I left work early (read: on time) so I could make sure to get to my first day of speech class on time. I jumped in my car and hauled ass almost killing three people. But made it on time - only to be permanently kicked out of the class. Yes, the very first week of the semester and I already got 86'ed!! You want to know why they would kick out a self-proclaimed, super genius like myself?? Here's why!!!:



TTH



Don't know what the fuck that means? Welcome to the club! TTH. That's not a typo. That, according to oh-so-smarter-than-tho academia's class schedule, apparently means Tuesdays and Thursdays.




No, not fuck you Jonah Hill, fuck academia!! Fuck them hard with a coconut. Did you know that you could write the most prolific essay in the history of mankind and those assholes will lower your grade or even refuse your paper all together simply because you didn't use the right formatting?

"Well," you reply, "they are just perfectionists." Right. I would believe you except for the fact that they're so fucking lazy that they shortened Tuesdays and Thursdays to:


TTH


Like seriously dude, you couldn't do this:


Tue - Thr


or even fucking this:


T - TH


Is it too much trouble to add a clarifying dash mr professor!? You have too many mind blowing dissertations to write? Not an ounce of ink to spare??

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...