Worth the Cure?

I have a friend who I call J Lo. I  don't call her that because she's Latina; it actually stands for Jr Loan Officer which was her profession at the time of me dubbing her with that name. Anyway, she invited me to a house party in Orange County one night, so I was like, "Cool, I'm always down for a little debauchery."

However once I got there, I realized this "house party" was in fact a MonaVie party. For those of you that don't know, MonaVie is basically a network marketing company that sells bottles of fruit juice for $30. I would have left, but this was her fiancee's family's event and I didn't want to be rude.

BRICK
Um, how long is this gonna last?

NICE WHITE PERSON
Well first we're going  watch a video; then we'll have a presentation; then we'll talk about different packages we sell.

J LO
Sit down, Brick! Just accept the fact that you're not going to be doing anything else tonight.

She got me good. But what could I do? I already told her I was free and now there I was, trapped in her web of cunningness. So I sat down surrounded by nice, white people with well adjusted minds and successful career paths. I don't know how I come off in this blog, but I can tell you that Brick does not belong around nice, decent people.

It was time to use a little cunningness of my own. So I broke out the cell to text a friend and tell them to call me in fifteen minutes. You want to give yourself at least a ten minute window when texting someone to call you to give the people you are with time to forget that you were just texting someone.

But who to text? My friends were almost as flakey and careless as I was. I had to pick someone dependable, someone reliable and disciplined. Mongoose; he was the perfect candidate. As a former U.S. Marine he was chalk full of honor and dependability.

BRICK
Yo Mongoose, I'm stuck somewhere. I need you to call me in 15, so I have an excuse to leave.

MONGOOSE
No prob, dude!

So I sat there comfortable in the knowledge that my misery would soon be over. It meant I didn't have to pretend to smile anymore. The smile was for real. However a half hour passed, and I still hadn't received any calls. I texted him again but didn't get a response. I figured it was time to try someone else. I texted Nacho.

BRICK
Ay fool, call me in 15.

NACHO
Fuck you fag.

BRICK
I'm serious dude, I'm stuck somewhere I need your help.

NACHO
I no help homo.

BRICK
Fucking Nacho! Quit messing around and call me!

NACHO
Haha you get raped tonight!

BRICK
I hate your face you freakin jew! Don't ever ask me for help when you're in a jam!!

NACHO
You are the one who's always in jams, not me.

Damn Nacho and his logic! My joy turned to anger at Nacho's insolence. Why was he be such a dick? And what happened to Mongoose, did he freaking die or something? Picked a heck of a time to croak, Mongoose! I was screwed. I couldn't keep texting people, it would come off as rude and obvious.

So I sat there enraged at a wasted night. Brick is a free bird; he must fly. But he couldn't; he was caged in by circumstances. Then I felt my pocket vibrate. "This must be Mongoose," I thought to myself. But I was wrong; it was Nacho. I guess he was just joking earlier but actually planned on pulling through.

NACHO
So you wanted me to call...

BRICK
Grandpa is that you?

NACHO
Ay where you at anyways? Come by the pad fool.

BRICK
You're having problems with that thing that you always have problems with? I'll be right there, Grandpa!

NACHO
Yeah whatever, come over. Bye.

I bolted for the door, avoiding J Lo at all costs as I knew she would see through me like a shot glass full of tequila. J Lo had a sharp, piercing gaze that would look directly into your soul. She was and is the only girl I've ever been afraid of, and I still have nightmares about her pissed of eyes burning into my retinas.

Don't let her petite size fool you, she throws a mean punch to the liver

  by  prayitno 

Yes she would see through my story, but I would let the people around me tell her about the phone conversation they just heard. I didn't think she would beat up the nice white people who would pass on the message, but either way it was risk I was willing to take. I drove off victoriously, thinking "Free! Free at last!" Then I got a text message.

J LO
Where the heck did you go? Everyone's looking for you!

BRICK
You mean they didn't hear my conversation? My grandpa needs help with this thing...

J LO
You're full of shit, Brick, you flakey fuck! You always do this! Don't talk to me anymore!

So I went to go kick it at Nacho's, but I didn't enjoy it. I knew J Lo was pissed, and I knew this wasn't the end of it. Later on, I took her out to lunch as an apology. You like that one? I got tricked into going to a sales party, and I end up taking her out to lunch. How does she always get me like this? Oh and as for Mongoose the loyal Marine, I saw him the next day.

BRICK
Dude how come you never called me last night like I asked?

MONGOOSE
I figured you were stuck on a date with a fat chick, and I thought it'd be funny to let you suffer.

They only bail us out of threats to national security, not awkward social situations

  by  NYCMarines 

*Don't forget to check out my book! http://mobybrickbook.com