Saturday, February 27, 2016

Brick and Nacho Do 1966


A few weeks ago, I called up my good homie Nacho...


BRICK
S'up dude? Got any plans for today?

NACHO
No.

BRICK
You down to go back to the past? I have a time machine.

NACHO
Bahaha! You mean to tell me that your dumb, donut-making ass built a time machine?? I'm not that stupid.

BRICK
I eat more dounts than I make.

NACHO
That's not better.

BRICK
And I didn't built it. Hak Man did. You know, my jet propulsion engineer friend?

NACHO
The one who accidentally lit himself on fire while driving? [actually happened]

BRICK
It wasn't an accident; it was on purpose.

NACHO
Again, not better. Don't ever defend yourself in court, Brick.

BRICK
Shut up, and come over. Bring your keyboard too.


Nacho came to my house. I took him to the backyard where I kept my time machine.


NACHO
Wow, you actually have a time machine!!

BRICK
Told you.

NACHO
So why did you need me to bring my keyboard? Is the machine activated by certain musical notes a-la-Close Encounter of the Third Kind?

BRICK
No, numbnuts. We need your keyboard because we're gonna go back to 1966 and pretend we wrote all of today's top 40 hits a-la-Dr. Evil. A record company is bound to sign us up and we'll be gozillionaires a-la-Forrest Gump.

NACHO
Dr Evil didn't steal songs from the future to sell them. He only sung them to impress his friends. That makes you more evil that a cartoonishly-evil movie villain.


You should be having that discussion with my mom



Thursday, February 18, 2016

New from Apple: the i-aSISt


In defiance of the FBI, Apple has announced a new product they will be launching this Spring: the i-aSISt.


 
This new "super encrypted" product, is shaped like an apple to camouflage the fact that it is a fully functional electronic communication device with wifi capabilities. 

We asked, Todd Johnson, head of Apple's design team if shaping an Apple product like an apple was a bit cliche. "What? Oh I never thought of that. I shaped it like an apple because that's what I use to smoke weed in public incognitolly. Wait, is that a word?"

We don't know Todd, we don't know.

"The i-aSISt has been designed to assist those who need a well hidden, encrypted device such as individuals or organizations involved in covert operations," said Apple spokesman Timmy O'Tool.

When asked if there is a risk the device will be used by criminals and  nefarious entities such as ISIS to help them execute horrendous acts of terrorism, Tool replied, "We are not in the business of stopping mass shootings."

Tool may have a point. Inside sources have told us that Evil makes up a pretty significant market share of Apple.


Leaked Apple pie chart not so sweet



All we can say is some plagiarized words of our enemies, "capitalist will sell you the rope to hang him with." And with that, we're out!



 "How you like dem apples!!"





*Don't forget to check out my book, Moby Brick! 

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