Off the Rails..

I moved around a lot as a kid. I spent ages 2-7 in West LA off Sepulveda and National. To this date, that has been the longest stretch of time I've ever lived in one city. So I like to think of it as my home town. Last weekend I stayed the night with some friends on the Westside.

The next morning I thought I'd pay a visit to my old stompin grounds since it was close by and drove to a park I used to play at all the time. I wanted to find the rock that me and my best friend Omar used to love to play with. No we weren't mentally challenged. It was actually a giant man-made rock that was meant to be a sort of creative jungle gym for kids.

It was so much fun to climb it and fight for dominance with the other kids. We could play on that thing for what seemed like hours. That was about two decades ago though, so I wasn't sure if it would still be there. But as I rolled up to the park I could see that it was.

My heart jumped at the thought of climbing back up on my precious rock, hoping no one was going to call the cops as I shoved their kids once again attempting to be King of the Rock. It turns out I didn't have to worry about that.

See Afghanis? Living in rubble ain't so bad, if you shape it the right way...

As I walked up to the rock, I was saddened to see that it was completely surrounded by a chain link fence. It wasn't under construction; its a rock for fuck's sake. It was just off limits. Probably some kid cracked his head and the city didn't want another law suit.

How ironic and telling that a statue literally named "Touch and Experience" be chained off..

What I don't understand is if these weak, timid souls are so afraid of life, why do they cling to it so fucking desperately? You have to live a life before you can lose it. I get so bored when people just want to keep the status quo.

Quietly wasting away hoping to be as safe as possible for as long as possible; doing the same thing day after day, week after week, year after year. It's like a bad movie that only ends when you die. Enter the Hak Pak...

I have a group of friends I call the Hak Pak. They are a bunch of engineers, doctors, and other type of really smart, successful people. Also, they are batshit insane.

That must be why we get along. We're all every successful people o.0 

Ok fine, that's a bit of an exaggeration. They're not batshit insane. They're just some really crazyass partiers. And that's what I love about them...

Hak Man

The leader, Hak Man, is like a wiry spring full of energy. The type of guy who's man enough to have the screen name Cupcake and sing Spice Girls songs at the karaoke bar cuz fuck you and your macho conformity! He's the most down fool in the world who once tried to get high off sun screen spray because we ran out of booze, who once lit his own hand on fire while driving, who invited the homies to go riot in L.A. because he had no other plans on a Friday night.

He still can't beat my Cher impression though. It's the spirit hands, I'm telling you..

But before you go judging him because you hate people who like to have fun, know that he actually has nothing but love for his homies. Whenever he's invited me out, he told me my friends are welcome because he doesn't exclude. When our homie Franz drove my car to Hak's pad because I was drunk, Hak walked out to my car and checked that all the doors were locked because he cares more than I do.

A more awesome person/party animal you will not find. Now as for me, I'm a basket case. To some of my other friends, I'm the kind of guy they have to tell to tone it down, sit down, shut up, act my age, act my species etc. I'm the guy whose introduction is proceeded by an explanation/apology.

I'm the guy you've heard tons of stories about before ever even meeting. I do the stupid shit, and then ask for forgiveness the next day. Maybe it's because I'm Catholic. So one night, the Hak Pak invites me to a comedy club to see funnyass comedian D'Sean. I got drunk as fuck off 151's and Vodka. It had "incident" written all over it...

D'SEAN

Damn! Look at this guy! He's drunker than shit. Must be a Mexican. Sir, how long have you been drinking?

BRICK

15 years.

D'SEAN

What the fuck?? I meant how long have you been drinking tonight?? This fool! Ask him how long he's been drinking and he's like, "I never stopped!!"

At the end of the night, he invited all the people who had said it was their birthday to come up on stage for a free shot. They went up on stage. So did I. It wasn't my birthday; I never even claimed that it was. He had a look of disbelief on his face.

"Is he for real?" - Why does everyone keep asking my friends that?? I'm right behind you!!

D'SEAN

I'm pretty sure I didn't invite YOU up here!!!

BRICK

Yeah, but can I get a free shot though? And by the way I'm only half Mexican.

D'SEAN

Shut up, Mexican. Alright I'll get you a shot too, but you better tip the waitress real good!

BRICK

So... just the tip?

Some of my friends would have given me "the speech" after such an act of buffoonery, the Hak Pak didn't blink an eye. It was just another night. I fucking love these people. But its not till you really get to know someone that you really start to appreciate them. After a night of drunkenness we headed back to Hak's pad at 3:00 AM for some forgotten reason.

Franz and Deana

Deana is a down ass chick part of the Hak Pak. She rolls with the punches and can hang with the dudes. Franz is a really chill Flip who makes you feel instantly comfortable even if you just met him. The three of us sat at Hak Man's dinner table while Hak Man started cooking up a storm. Deana busted out a hollowed out pen she carries around full of blow and started doing bumps with Franz.


DEANA
No yayo for you, Brick! Not gonna have you overdosing again.

BRICK
How did you know about my overdose?

DEANA
You told me! Last time you got drunk. You got loose lips when you're faded homie.


BRICK
What else did I tell you?

DEANA
You and Hak tried to flip my car.

BRICK
That doesn't sound like something I'd do.

** Hak brings us the first entree of the night: frozen pizza**

FRANZ
Dude you and Hak tried to flip my car at the bon fire, and you weren't even drunk!!

BRICK
Ok first of all, a Prius hardly counts as a car. Second of all, I might not have been drunk but Hak was; and I always help Hak out in his time of need.

FRANZ
Didn't he try to pee on your head once?


HAK
Hey! I was in a dark place back then! How dare you bring that up! ...Korean pancake anyone?

DEANA
Koren pancake??

HAK
Just to hold you guys off till the hot pockets are ready.

**Deana breaks out a second pen full of blow to do some more rails**

BRICK
Duh, Deana. All the classy people know you serve the Korean pancakes before the hot pockets. Were you born in a barn or something?

DEANA
I was born in Pacoima fool! Pacas for life.

BRICK
Living the thug life huh?


DEANA
Hell ya. I used to slang on the streets but they wouldn't tax me because I never lost a fight. See these scars on my arms? That's from the time I got in a knife fight with a dude and won.

BRICK
Damn!! And you went from that to becoming an engineer??

DEANA
Yup.


BRICK
Shit what's my excuse..

DEANA
Genetics.

BRICK
Shut up. So what about you Franz? How'd you get mixed up with these hooligans? You seem more low key.


FRANZ
Yeah now I am, but I used to party a shit load. I would go to the bar every night, get blitzed and bring home some random girl to plow. But eventually you just get tired of it, know what I mean?

BRICK
Totally. Except that I've never done that before, and I don't think I should knock something without trying it first.

FRANZ
So try it then!


BRICK
I did! It's just I can't ever get the girls to actually come back home with me. Deana, you wouldn't happen to have a pen full of ruffies would you?

DEANA
What??

**Hak breaks out the dessert tray**

HAK
Stop talking Brick, and eat some flan. You're nothing but skin and bones. And fat.

BRICK
You made flan? Man, you are good with a microwave.

HAK
It's all in the wrist.

So the point of this longass post?? Hak Pak we need to jump the fence and play on the Touch and Experience rock!! I'll be king of the Rock once again!!! Deana, no shanking  -.-

*Don't forget to check out my book Moby Brick!!!