In defiance of the FBI, Apple has announced a new product they will be launching this Spring: the i-aSISt.
This new "super encrypted" product, is shaped like an apple to camouflage the fact that it is a fully functional electronic communication device with wifi capabilities.
We asked, Todd Johnson, head of Apple's design team if shaping an Apple product like an apple was a bit cliche. "What? Oh I never thought of that. I shaped it like an apple because that's what I use to smoke weed in public incognitolly. Wait, is that a word?"
We don't know Todd, we don't know.
"The i-aSISt has been designed to assist those who need a well hidden, encrypted device such as individuals or organizations involved in covert operations," said Apple spokesman Timmy O'Tool.
When asked if there is a risk the device will be used by criminals and nefarious entities such as ISIS to help them execute horrendous acts of terrorism, Tool replied, "We are not in the business of stopping mass shootings."
Tool may have a point. Inside sources have told us that Evil makes up a pretty significant market share of Apple.
Leaked Apple pie chart not so sweet
All we can say is some plagiarized words of our enemies, "capitalist will sell you the rope to hang him with." And with that, we're out!
"How you like dem apples!!"
