Wuddup peeps?
As y'all know I work at a donut factory. But what you might not know is that I like to harass venture capitalists in my spare time. Most recently, I went on the TV show Shark Tank to pitch one of my inventions to the reality star billionaires. Here's how it went:
I walked into the studio.
BRICK
Hello, sharks. For legal purposes, I go by Brick.
MR WONDERFUL
Legal purposes??
BRICK
I guess I should say, legal avoidance purposes.
MR WONDERFUL
Go on.
BRICK
I'm here seeking a $250 investment for a 5% stake in my company, Tone Def.
MR WONDERFUL
Interesting.
BRICK
Shut up. So anyways, the word "deaf" means not able to hear, but it's also used by black people to mean "cool."
Daymond jumped out of his seat.
BLACK SHARK
Yes!!
BRICK
Thank you, Daymond. Now everyone likes music, but some of us are tone deaf. So I invented Tone Def.
I pulled the table cloth off my invention.
LORI
What the fuck is that?
ROBERT
It looks like a destroyed synthesizer.
BRICK
You're both right. I ripped out all but two keys off this keyboard thereby making it usable by even the most tone deaf motherfuckers out there. Except the ones that are actually deaf. There's no hope for them. So sharks, who's ready to go def!?
MR WONDERFUL
Is there anything proprietary about your invention?
BRICK
That's what I need the $250 for. I need to pay the patent application fee.
ROBERT
You're retarded! How can you play any songs with only two keys!?
BRICK
Well Robert, statistics show all songs are made of only twelve notes. So I'm sure there's at least a few songs you can play with two.
MARK
You come in here with a face like that... it's very disrespectful to us sharks. I'm out.
BRICK
Thank you for your input Mark, but I'd like to hear what the other sharks have to say.
LORI
You're a moron.
BRICK
Takes one to know one.
BLACK SHARK
Salmonella!
BRICK
It wasn't a question, Daymond.
BLACK SHARK
You're over here talking about grapes, but I don't see you as a health nut. I'm out.
Maybe I'd of had more success if I wore my Viking hat.
