Days of Young

Do Bricks Age? 

Nah, they outlast civilizations ;)

So I had a birthday recently. I thought I could sneak it by my coworkers till I got to work that Friday morning where I found my cubical littered with HR-approved dollar store birthday decorations. They spare no expense at my low paying soulless corporation.

Modern day panem et circenses.

RANDOM COWORKER #34:
So it's your birthday this weekend huh. What you doing to celebrate?

BRICK:
Going to a funeral.

At least I get to suit up.

Rumble in the Ghetto

When weekend rolls around, I like to spend time watering my azaleas, tending to my precious stock market shares, oh and getting shitface-plastered.

The perfect trifecta!!

  by  mikebaird 

This particular night in question, we rolled out to Adams Ave for a little bar hoping and tomfoolery. Our group consisted of me, El Mizo, and Gambi (stands for Grown Ass Man Being Insulted). It was a good time as we downed shot after shot of fireball and got some beers in us inbetween. We then saw one of Gambi's good friends, Cici, who El Mizo was attracted to - out with two other dudes who she was taking home with her.

El Mizo proposed we follow them back to her house. "I'm down," I said. What could possibly go wrong? We bought some beer and headed down 36th to crash the menage. When we got there, I walked in the livingroom while El Mizo and Gambi went to put beers in the fridge.

I pointed to a boom box in the corner of the room and said, "oh cool, they used to call those ghetto blasters, hehe."

As it turns out, one of the dudes Cici had brought home with her was a complete and total douchebag. I knew this the minute he responded to my comment with, "yeah, and it looks like it brought the ghetto in too."

Oh hell no. You can say what you want about me - vast majority of the time I won't even give a shit, but you insult my homies and it's on, especially since Gambi is black and I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a racist comment. Either way I started tearing into this dude.

BRICK
I don't know what's more white, your shirt or your skin tone.

D-BAG
Ahaha very funny. Say why do they call you Brick? Is it because you're as dumb as a brick?

BRICK
Naw, I'm not as dumb as you look.

D-BAG
Good one, I'll take that as a compliment coming from you.

BRICK
You should take it as a complement, cause that's about as good as it's gonna get.

Dude, Where's Your Dryer? (another night in pair o' dice)

Another slice of Brick life...

Last Friday I was pretty sick with the flu. I went to talk to my boss about it.


BRICK
I ain't feeling too good. I gotta take off early..

BOSS LADY
Fag.

BRICK
What?

BOSS LADY
I said drag! As in what a...
Can't you stick it out a few more hours? We have a lot of calls on cue..

BRICK
Well I have to rest up for my weekend job as a tortilla flipper.

BOSS LADY
You're going to work at the taco shop when you're sick?

BRICK
Duh. Don't want them to fire me.

BOSS LADY
You're a tard.

BRICK
What?

BOSS LADY
I said don't work too hard.

BRICK
Wasn't plannin on.

 I rarely do...

Men's Warehouse (Parody)

Manteca Nights

Love me some Mexicans...

 Grad Boy

The other day I went to my boy Rude Dogg's graduation party.

BRICK

Dude!! So awesome you graduated!! You're the only one of our crew who's actually made something of yourself... I'm never going to see you again am I?

RUDE DOG

Probably  not. 

East L.A. house parties are usually sponsored by the Dodgers.

Pogo Stick Fail

This was one of my favorite posts, so I turned it into a youtube clip.. 
 

The Man Who Knew Things

So my fan(s) the rumors are true... Brick has gone corporate! Yup, I got me a job at a big soulless corporation. And you know what? I like being part of the problem.

"lemme check on them stocks"

Pogo-a-Gogo (picture story)

 

One day I was taking my morning 

       constitutional in the park...

The Debt Whisperer

Now that I moved back to Cali, I blog a lot less. It's not so much by choice as just the fact that I'm much more busy than I was when I lived in Europa. Anyways I figured I would give my readers a round up of what I've been up to - all two of you.

My weekend as expressed through effigies...

Chop Shop Junkies

You might work for a chop shop if...

1. Your managers have neck tattoos.

2. You receive multiple W2's from different company names even though you've worked for the same company all year.

3. When you come into work in the morning and your neighbor's cubical is empty you know it's for one of the following reasons: he was fired for being too shady/not shady enough, or he's dead, or the cops finally found him, or he quit because child support finally found him and he decided it was more economically viable to stop working altogether.

4. The company used to charge upfront fees to their customers until a regulatory agency started "cracking down."

Shadiness? No, shadiness is strictly against our policy here at Union Trust Financial, formerly known as Century One Loans, formerly known as Ray of Truth Money Union Trans House of Annuities, formerly know as Lot 37GH.

  by  Phillie Casablanca 

5. You receive threatening calls at work from creditors ...who are looking for the owner.

6. You found out about your job on craigslist or from a chop shop hopper ex-coworker.

7. There's a collapsible stripper poll in the supply closet for when the boss rewards the sales floor's high production by hiring entertainment.*

8. You tell your clients "Of course we have a website" but you don't actually give them the web address because it looks like it was designed by a five year old.

Sign one of our contracts and you'll be entered to win a free Eye Pod!!!

  by  asboluv 

9. You know about surrounding chop shops - not because you worked there but because they trade employees with your company like ball players.

10. You don't use your real name when talking to clients. Your boss is fine with this. In fact, it may have been his idea.

11. You spend your lunch break looking for another job.




*Actually fucking happened




**Don't forget to check out my book! http://mobybrickbook.com  

Brave New World Order

It's trippy how much things can change when you leave the country and then come back a year later. There's all kinds of new shit they came up with that makes you feel like a defrosted cave man when you are introduced to it. For example, they came up with new Beavis and Butt-Head episodes!

Behold the future.