Leader of Street Gang Rollin 420's Resigns Amongst Alligations of Racism

Hello jackaloons! I'm currently on administrative leave from the donut factory I work at for the pants-less cartwheel incident, so I decided to engage in some B.S. work to keep myself busy: investigative journalism.

Hey! Acting is a serious career!

"reporters" (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Oregon State University

Today's story comes from the mean streets of Temecula where notorious gang leader, Lamar Jackson, resigned as shot caller for the Rollin 420's amidst allegations of racism. 

Wikigangs, a site dedicated to eradicating corrupt gang leaders, released dozens of hacked emails allegedly from Lamar's personal server. The emails reveal frequent use of the N word, referring to women as prostitutes, and a disdain for those in law enforcement.

Earlier today Lamar released the following statement at a press conference: "I deeply regret if my words have offended any of our diverse population who all contribute to the rich cultural tapestry that is America. I will now spend more time with my family and hope I can put this behind me."

  Lamar remembers better days when smiles not systemic racism was 420's unofficial policy. 

"Justin’s Bar Mitzvah" (CC BY 2.0) by emilio labrador

I sat down with a former member of the 420's who requested not to be identified. I guess he's afraid getting sued or something.

BRICK
Thank you for speaking with us today, KCG.

KCG
Fasho.

BRICK
First question, I understand you don't want me to use your real name, but why have me call you KCG? I mean why not just go with Anonymous?

KCG
It stands for King Cootch Grabber.

BRICK
Hey, like the president!

KCG
Naw, man. Don't associate me with that human cheeto.

Best description ever.

"Donald Trump by David Shankbone 2" (CC BY 2.0) by david_shankbone

BRICK

So Lamar Jackson announced he is stepping down from the Rollin 420's today. Are you surprised?

KCG

Naw. The Rollin' 420's started out as a street gang that protected our minority community. But somewhere along the way, we forgot our roots, shooting motherfuckers, making babies sell drugs, pimping out our young women.. I'm concerned about the direction our organization is headed.

BRICK
Yes, but what about the allegations of racism?

KCG

Yeah, there's that too. Lamar would call white people crackers, Mexicans beaners, and women hoes. That's just not the image we wanna put out there in 2017.

BRICK

So, would you call this a hostile work environment?

KCG

Motherfucker I've been shot five times!

BRICK

Is that covered by your insurance?

KCG

I got a question for you "Brick."

BRICK

You wanna know 'where I'm from?'

KCG

Why you suburbanites use the word "gangster" to mean cool?

BRICK

Cause gangsters are badass.

KCG

You know that gangsters kill people, right? I mean what if I saw some kid do a "neat" trick on a skateboard, or whatever you suburbanites are into, and I was all, "damn dog, that shit was pedophile!"

BRICK
That's sick! Pedophiles molest children!

KCG

So, molesting them is wrong but killing them is okay?

BRICK

You sure you're a former gang banger?

KCG

You sure you're a reporter?

BRICK

Touche.

KCG

Fuck you.

Oh, snap! That was pedofiiiiiiiiiile!!

"Levi Moore Kickflip Grass Gap Swansea" (CC BY 2.0) by Armeture Photos

*Don't forget to check out my book, Moby Brick!