Off the Rails..

I moved around a lot as a kid. I spent ages 2-7 in West LA off Sepulveda and National. To this date, that has been the longest stretch of time I've ever lived in one city. So I like to think of it as my home town. Last weekend I stayed the night with some friends on the Westside.

The next morning I thought I'd pay a visit to my old stompin grounds since it was close by and drove to a park I used to play at all the time. I wanted to find the rock that me and my best friend Omar used to love to play with. No we weren't mentally challenged. It was actually a giant man-made rock that was meant to be a sort of creative jungle gym for kids.

It was so much fun to climb it and fight for dominance with the other kids. We could play on that thing for what seemed like hours. That was about two decades ago though, so I wasn't sure if it would still be there. But as I rolled up to the park I could see that it was.

My heart jumped at the thought of climbing back up on my precious rock, hoping no one was going to call the cops as I shoved their kids once again attempting to be King of the Rock. It turns out I didn't have to worry about that.

See Afghanis? Living in rubble ain't so bad, if you shape it the right way...

Do You Speak Religion?

Yeah audio sync is off, but what hey what u gonna do when using free software you mooched off the internet?


Y

Eye of the Liger (stages are lonely)

A few weeks ago, actor  Robin Williams killed himself. It came as a shock to many. Now while I get depression, I don't fully understand suicide. Life is short enough as it is. You want it all to end? Don't worry - it will. That's one of the few guaranties you can count on. So why make it any shorter, especially a funny man, a guy who gets paid millions to act a fool? He had such an sweet gig..

Why are so many entertainers substance abusers? Why do they have self destructive tenancies? How can someone get on stage to perform in front of a large crowd and yet claim to have social anxiety? As a wannabe entertainer, I believe I can shed a bit of light on these questions. It's because us comedians, wannabe or not, have the eye of the liger. A liger, in case you never saw Napoleon Dynamite, is a mix between a lion and a tiger.

Ok, starting to understand the suicide thing now..

   by  thisRobot 

Alice in Blunderland

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about GMO's (stands for Genetically Modified fOod, probably) around the water cooler a.k.a. Facebook. I know it's cool to bang the anti-GMO bongo. But as someone who was never allowed in the box to begin with, let me give you the "outside the box" perspective...

"Come on! Let me in the box! I promise I won't fart this time... haha just kidding"

  by  juhansonin 

For starters, I believe that human intellect and creativity were given to us for a reason. We were actually meant to develop technology from spears that let our ancestors feed and protect themselves, to guns that do the same for us today; from huts that protected our ancestors from the "elements" to barns that store food.

I don't understand this newfound raw hatred for any kind of human development whatsoever. I'm not saying people don't take things too far sometimes. And just because we are capable of doing something is not reason enough to justify doing it. But think about what the world would be like if we never expressed our intelligence through development. Take fruit for example; such a perfect natural food packed with vitamins and minerals which help us grow strong and they taste delicious at the same time. Except that they don't.

Sweet Love; Bad Cookie

Love in my life has been like rainbows: I could see it's beauty but is was never within my grasp...
 

Oh a double rainbow? Nice, rub it in..

  by  Bernt Rostad 

According to memes I've seen on facebook, I'm supposed to be nice to people with unseeable diseases like autism and diabeats or however you spell that shit. Whatever you know what I mean. Anyways what about unseen emotional scars? They are actually pretty comparable.

Let's say that there was a Pop Warner football game going on, and a little kid broke his leg. Even if he had the most uninvolved, barely caring parents, they would at the very least take him to the emergency room.

Could you imagine if you saw a kid break his leg and his parents yelled at him, "suck it up!! Quit being a bitch!!" Even if he tried to do that, it would only make his injury worse. A broken bone requires medical attention. There's simply no getting around that.

There was also no getting around Roger McGully. We had to show my X-ray for the insurance claim, I want to see his birth cirtificate!! 7 years old my ass!!!

  by  DrStarbuck 

Upping Your Date

A few years ago, me and some homies were out getting tacos at Boca Del Rio in La Puente at about two in the morning. Afterwards, we headed home down Hacienda Blvd when we could see smoke coming from behind some trees a good couple of miles away. "There must be a house on fire," I said to my friends.

The next day I found out that the smoke we had seen came from my parish church, St. John Vianney's, which had been burnt down to the ground by an arsonist. We now hold mass under a giant tent, and after much negotiation with the insurance company, a settlement has finally been reached. We still need to raise about another 10 million dollars to rebuild the church, but fortunately the parishoners have been generous and we are getting there.

Things can change in an instant from just a small spark - sometimes for better, sometimes for worse..

Days of Young

Do Bricks Age? 

Nah, they outlast civilizations ;)

So I had a birthday recently. I thought I could sneak it by my coworkers till I got to work that Friday morning where I found my cubical littered with HR-approved dollar store birthday decorations. They spare no expense at my low paying soulless corporation.

Modern day panem et circenses.

RANDOM COWORKER #34:
So it's your birthday this weekend huh. What you doing to celebrate?

BRICK:
Going to a funeral.

At least I get to suit up.

Rumble in the Ghetto

When weekend rolls around, I like to spend time watering my azaleas, tending to my precious stock market shares, oh and getting shitface-plastered.

The perfect trifecta!!

  by  mikebaird 

This particular night in question, we rolled out to Adams Ave for a little bar hoping and tomfoolery. Our group consisted of me, El Mizo, and Gambi (stands for Grown Ass Man Being Insulted). It was a good time as we downed shot after shot of fireball and got some beers in us inbetween. We then saw one of Gambi's good friends, Cici, who El Mizo was attracted to - out with two other dudes who she was taking home with her.

El Mizo proposed we follow them back to her house. "I'm down," I said. What could possibly go wrong? We bought some beer and headed down 36th to crash the menage. When we got there, I walked in the livingroom while El Mizo and Gambi went to put beers in the fridge.

I pointed to a boom box in the corner of the room and said, "oh cool, they used to call those ghetto blasters, hehe."

As it turns out, one of the dudes Cici had brought home with her was a complete and total douchebag. I knew this the minute he responded to my comment with, "yeah, and it looks like it brought the ghetto in too."

Oh hell no. You can say what you want about me - vast majority of the time I won't even give a shit, but you insult my homies and it's on, especially since Gambi is black and I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a racist comment. Either way I started tearing into this dude.

BRICK
I don't know what's more white, your shirt or your skin tone.

D-BAG
Ahaha very funny. Say why do they call you Brick? Is it because you're as dumb as a brick?

BRICK
Naw, I'm not as dumb as you look.

D-BAG
Good one, I'll take that as a compliment coming from you.

BRICK
You should take it as a complement, cause that's about as good as it's gonna get.

Dude, Where's Your Dryer? (another night in pair o' dice)

Another slice of Brick life...

Last Friday I was pretty sick with the flu. I went to talk to my boss about it.


BRICK
I ain't feeling too good. I gotta take off early..

BOSS LADY
Fag.

BRICK
What?

BOSS LADY
I said drag! As in what a...
Can't you stick it out a few more hours? We have a lot of calls on cue..

BRICK
Well I have to rest up for my weekend job as a tortilla flipper.

BOSS LADY
You're going to work at the taco shop when you're sick?

BRICK
Duh. Don't want them to fire me.

BOSS LADY
You're a tard.

BRICK
What?

BOSS LADY
I said don't work too hard.

BRICK
Wasn't plannin on.

 I rarely do...

Men's Warehouse (Parody)